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Let us start by saying that by no means should good sex be measured by whether or not you and your partner(s) achieve orgasm. Like we’ve mentioned before, there are many ways to enjoy sex without reaching climax.
That said, sometimes the stars align just right and you can not only have an orgasm yourself, but at the same time as your partner.
We know what you’re thinking: surely that has to be some kind of sexual unicorn. Not quite—it does happen, but not as often that most of us would probably like it to. Here’s how to make conditions more favorable for a simultaneous orgasm.
Do your homework.
Just as you’re likely to play an instrument better if you know all the notes and chords and how they work together, you’re far more likely to achieve an orgasm if you know what turns you on. Talk about how and where you like to be touched and what your partner(s) can do to amplify your pleasure.
Beware the orgasm gap.
Research consistently shows that women experience orgasms far less frequently than men, especially during penis-vagina sex, so it’s important to keep that in mind. Since it may take a little more time for women to approach orgasm, you may need to place more focus on clitoral stimulation (a vibrator can help with that).
During intercourse, keep one another updated (in the sexiest way possible, of course) on how you’re feeling and whether an orgasm in on the horizon. If one partner is outpacing another, slow down the stimulation a little to cool things down.
Leave it up to fate.
If it happens, it happens, but if one of you happens to orgasm before the other—or not at all—at least you’ll have fun while doing it.
Read more about how to orgasm simultaneously with a partner.