Talk dirty to me.
Like with sex playlists or *mood lighting,* dirty talk is a distinct matter of preference. For some, it comes naturally. For others, it takes work. For others, it’s a deeply unpleasant form of mental gymnastics—not unlike reciting your timetables while being penetrated. It takes you into your brain, and out of your body.
That said, according to recent studies, dirty talk is among the most unanimously favored sexual proclivities or preferences among men and women across the globe. So, for folks who do like a little verbal play in addition to all the physicality of a sexual experience: you’re not alone. And for everyone else—if you’ve never tried garnishing intercourse with a bit of dirty talk, perhaps it’s worth considering.
Of course, it can be difficult to make sense of the purpose of dirty talk when you’re already…having sex. But as it turns out, much of the stimulation from sex comes from our brains—which are activated in new and more involved ways when we engage in the project of dirty talk. While you’re amid a sexual experience, there are two central parts of your brain responsible for clocking sexual pleasure: the preoptic area and the suprachiasmatic nucleus. Conversation of any kind—especially during sex—further stimulates these, which can certainly help elevate your experience writ large.
On the other hand, sound during sex has long been proven a turn-on. Moaning, both for the moaner and the listener can be pivotal to many of our sexual fantasies—and sounds we associate with sexuality can similarly activate those brain functions.
Moreover, the act of sex can make us less self-conscious—so folks tend to find that they’re more capable of speaking freely about fantasies, potent desires, or kinks when they’re already mid-intercourse. Which is to say, if you’re feeling inclined to lean into BDSM, role play, or some other, the more personal field of kink, dirty talk might be a great way to explore before you attempt the more physical stuff.
And speaking of role play: If you and a partner are either engaging in character bits of some kind or partaking in a dominant-submissive dynamic, dirty talk is just one more way of establishing that narrative as firmly as possible. In fact, in many role-play scenarios, it’s the most natural way of, well, getting into character.
Additionally, studies have shown that dirty talk outside of the bedroom can work wonders to stimulate a couples’ sex life. If you introduce dirty talk in the un-self-conscious, candid space that is the bedroom, then you’re far more likely to feel comfortable broaching the matter in other walks of life—which can be a particularly fiery turn-on for most couples and a way of instigating sex without being, well, unsubtle.