A vibrator is an excellent way to liven things up when you’re flying solo, but it can also be a memorable guest star during partner sex.
You might feel reluctant to bring up the idea with your partner for fear it might imply that they aren’t satisfying you in the bedroom. But if you frame it as trying something new and exciting that can enhance what you’re both doing, it can be a less intimidating prospect. If you’re using a vibrator with a partner for the first time, it can also be a good idea to use it on them first: Show them how it can enhance their pleasure, too, and make it a suggestion that will ultimately benefit everyone involved.
It helps to frame suggestions positively: Telling your partner, “I like it when you…” gives them an idea of what they can be doing more of to enhance your pleasure. After all, intimacy involves both satisfying your own desires and making sure that your partner is satisfied, too. Communication goes a long way—so don’t be afraid to ask what they like and to share feedback of your own. Just like with anything that you may try for the first time, using a vibrator with a partner may require a little experimentation before you figure out what really works. Or, switching things up can help add a bit of excitement back into your sex life if you’ve gotten into too much of a routine.
There’s no one way to use a vibrator with a partner, but if you're not sure how to get started, this guide can give you a few ideas. Ultimately, what feels best to you is a personal preference, but a bit of open-mindedness can help you learn more about what exactly makes you—and your partner—tick. Here’s how to use a vibrator with your partner.
The case for using a vibrator during sex:
Sure, the use case for a vibrator during a solo sesh is pretty clear—but when you’re with a partner, bringing in another tool may seem unnecessary, or even awkward. But there are some real benefits to trying it out. First off, it’s fun. Vibrators are designed to enhance pleasure, so whether you’re using one by yourself or with a partner, you’re going to amp up sensation. Remember: Vibrators don’t have to be a substitute for or a replacement for a partner (in case you want them to be, of course), but they can be a great compliment.
Science backs this up, too. There’s research that shows that for some people with vaginas, clitoral stimulation (which can be accomplished through the use of a vibrator) is necessary to achieve orgasm. According to a 2017 article published in the Journal of Sex and Marriage Therapy, only 18.4% of women studied could orgasm through penetrative sex alone—the rest either required clitoral stimulation or said that clitorial stimulation improved their orgasms.
Of course, you don’t need to use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation—going acoustic, if you will, can certainly result in a climax. But a vibrator can do a lot of heavy lifting during sex, to the benefit of both you and your partner. And even if orgasm isn’t your end goal, a bit of vibration can still make the experience more pleasurable and fun.
Now, some tips on how to use a vibrator with your partner, whether it’s your first time trying it out or not.
Find your sweet spot.
When you’re figuring out how to use a vibrator with your partner, don’t be afraid to try things out. Our erogenous zones respond differently to stimulation, so what might work for one person may not do anything for someone else. That’s where a vibrator can help. Explore one another’s body by applying vibration in light circles to different areas like the neck, nipples, inner thigh, behind the ear, back of the knee, the testicles, shaft, perineum—even the armpit, scalp, and hands. The end goal here doesn’t have to be orgasm; using a vibrator with a partner can be a great technique to add to your foreplay arsenal.
Alternate between your mouth and your vibrator.
Sex is all about sensations, which is why mixing things up every so often can make it even better for all parties. So, once you’ve identified the spot on your partner’s body that really gets them going, alternate between using the vibrator and the warmth of your mouth and tongue for an extra-sensory experience.
Use it to enhance oral sex.
Vibrators aren’t just great to use during penetrative sex—they can also enhance sensations during oral sex. If you’re going down on someone with a penis, press the vibrator against your cheek for some extra stimulation. During cunnilingus, you can insert the vibrator into the vagina to up your game even more.
Give certain positions a boost.
Here’s how to use a vibrator in a way you might not expect: Use it to stimulate the clitoris in positions where it might be difficult to do so. Think: reverse cowgirl and spooning.
Let your partner take over.
Giving up a little bit of control and letting your partner take over can bring an element of excitement to sex. One way you can do this is by having your partner lie on their back as you lie on top of them, with your back on top of their chest. As they hold a vibrator they can trail it across your body before bringing it to stimulate the clitoris. Then, ease in, and enjoy the ride.
Don’t skip the lube.
Lube isn’t just for penetration—while it’s formulated to reduce friction, it can also intensify the feelings of a vibrator. Think of it as making a good thing even better. Just make sure that you use the right kind of lube: Silicone lubes can cause silicone vibrators to degrade over time, so reach for a water-based lube instead. Start off with just a little bit, and don’t be afraid to reapply!
Bring it in the shower.
There are plenty of ways to make shower sex an even more enjoyable—even exciting—experience. One of which is bringing a vibrator to the mix. As long as your device is waterproof (many are), you can use it for a little extra stimulation as the steam rises.
Practice good hygiene and safety.
It should go without saying, but it bears repeating: Wash your vibrator between uses with warm water and soap to keep it clean of any bacteria. This is important all the time, but especially if you use it with one or multiple partners. You may also consider using a condom on a vibrator to further protect against STIs, but just make sure your condoms are safe to use with your vibrator: Just like with lube, you won’t want to pair a condom that contains silicone lubricant with a silicone vibrator, as it can get damaged over time. Vibrators made of non-porous, medical-grade silicone are top-tier when it comes to devices that are body-safe and easy to clean.
Keep it charged.
Here’s possibly the easiest way to prevent disappointment in bed: Make sure that your vibrator is fully charged so that whenever you want to use it, it’s ready. There are few let-downs quite like the device dying when you or your partner are so close to getting there. So, get into a habit of cleaning and charging your vibrator after every use—it’s best to play it safe.
Using a vibrator with a partner can ultimately take some experimentation to see what feels right for you, so be patient and remember that it’s supposed to be fun. There’s no singular way to use a vibrator with a partner, but rather a plenty of different strategies that can make it a great experience for you both. So, if you’re curious, try suggesting it to your partner and seeing what feels good to both of you. And if you need a vibrator to get started, consider Maude’s Vibe and Drop. With its cone shape and vibration concentrated in its tip, the Vibe is great for targeted stimulation (around the clitoris, for example). With a rounder shape and more diffused vibration, the Drop is great for all-over body stimulation in different erogenous zones.
Sex is extremely personal, and that means you have to take the time to learn your preferences. Don’t be afraid to try something new—you never know when you might hit a real sweet spot.
