It’s not all sunshine and orgasms.
Sex on and around the beach remains an ever-enticing facet of summer. It appears as a lyric in countless chart-topping summer songs. It shares its nomenclature with a classic, fruity cocktail. It may or may not be on your to-do list on this most sacred of weekends (the 4th of July, baby). However, on the extensive roster of things you do not necessarily want lodged inside of your vagina is a fist full of shell-ridden sand.
We get it: The beach is sexy. You’ve got the ocean, socially appropriate near-nakedness coming at you from every direction, the sunset, frozen cocktails, all that good stuff. The air is thick with hormones. And who are we to put a stop to all that good fun? But before you find yourself chafed and rash-laden, you ought to know that beach-banging comes with a pretty sizeable list of precautions. So peruse the below, then proceed at your own risk.
Know your enemies (sand)
Have you ever considered using sandpaper in lieu of a condom? Likely not, because, well, ouch. Let it be known that this is not dissimilar to the sensation that is having sex on a beach. The sand is unavoidable, and the chafing, rocky friction will likely be uncomfortable for both you and your partner.
And discomfort aside, sand is riddled with bacteria. Nevermind the critters, think about the trash, the urine, the bird poop. UTIs, bacterial vaginosis, and yeast infections are a likely result after direct exposure to all those foreign germs.
Make sure you’ve brought a large enough blanket to keep sand at bay and rinse off before you begin.
Be wary of water
While swimming in salt water is one of life’s great pleasures, the sodium naturally dries you out, which means you’ll have a harder time keeping things moist down there (along with all that glorious sand) So bring some lubricant for after your aquatic foreplay.
Then, when it comes to a post-coital rinse off, if you have access to freshwater or a pool, opt for that in place of the ocean. If the sand has caused any microabrasions, it’ll sting like hell.
Watch out for crabs.. and other creatures
Yeah, you heard that right. Alongside the rough discomfort of sandy sex, the sand is also rife with tiny little living things that you do not necessarily want...inside of you. We’re talking sand fleas, crabs, bugs, all the good stuff.
HOW to do it (if you dare)
While packing your requisite towel, sunscreen, and snacks, it’s not likely that you’re making a point to schlep condoms. But here’s the thing: you’re no less susceptible to pregnancy or STIs just because you’re near a body of water. Come with a hefty blanket, lube, protection, and a good idea of the nearest shower or pool for rinsing off afterward.
And be sure you’ve found a private locale. Public sex is still, well, illegal.