An oral report.
Sex in transit has some legacy appeal: You’ve got the mile high club, good old pedestrian-car sex, boat banging. Undoubtedly, some folks get off on Amtrak intercourse. Plus the more dangerous form of vehicular boning—the classy addendum to ‘sex while operating a moving vehicle’: The pit-stop pipe.
Summer is nearing, which is to say, road trip season is upon us. And that means highway hanky panky galore. But before you get going, we’ve got some advice when it comes to elevating said intercourse—without endangering yourselves, and, well, everyone else on the freeway. Below, enjoy our definitive ranking of the absolute best places for sex on the road—whether you’re going for a gas station quickie, or something altogether more glamorous. Organized from best to worst, here are your go-to locales for a pit stop pipe:
If you’re road-tripping, it’s more than likely that you’ll spend at least a few nights in a tent. And there’s nothing like fire-roasted hot dogs and perpetual bear-related panic to set the mood. But seriously, campsites have a vibe. You’ve got low light, a fire, sleeping bags. And no matter where you are, odds are, huddling for warmth is required. Sure, you may wake up with a little back pain from banging on the (literal) ground...but it’ll have been worth your while.
Gas Station Shtupping
Shockingly enough, in your road travels, you’ll find yourself at many a gas station. And while there are several heroically unsexy gas stations to be found across the nation, that’s not to say there aren't plenty that have a particular allure to them. So pick one that calls to you (or your genitals) and pull on in.
Now, you’re certainly not doing to bone inside the gas station, but a well-placed parked car—ideally under the cover of darkness—besides a gas pump? Spicy.
No road trip is complete without many a diner grilled cheese—or for that matter, a diner omelet...and probably a 3 am plate of diner fries. Odds are, you’ll clock most meals at a 24-hour diner whilst on the road. So, for the sake of romance, turn one of those kitschy fine dining experiences into a little tete-a-tete. Diner bathrooms are traditionally spacious—and private. Plus, after a forbidden bang sesh, you can celebrate with a milkshake.
If not a campsite or a friend’s couch, you’ll surely be spending a night or two in some rented accommodations. And if you’re truly sticking roadside, that means a motel. So here’s the deal: enjoy the shtick that comes with tacky decor, a private room, and, well, subsisting in the middle of nowhere. Remember: what happens in a motel room stays in a motel room. So things might get raunchy.
Rest Stop Rendezvous
Ok, we hear your concerns: A highway rest stop is, to put things eloquently, gross. But when you’ve been driving for hours, you need to pee, and the authorities have provided you with a private room in which to do it, perhaps the pick-me-up you need is a quick...orgasm. We’re not saying this will be the most romantic sex of your life—but we are saying it might make the next 8 hours of highway driving a little easier.