While some people just really enjoy talking dirty, there’s actually another big benefit to it: more open communication with your partner(s), which, as we’ve said before, can lead to better sex.
If the thought of it still makes you cringe, we’ve got you—here’s a beginner’s guide to dirty talk.
It doesn’t have to be explicit.
It’s easy to think that dirty talk is all vulgarities, but it can be far from that—the “dirt” is in the details. At a loss for words? Begin by describing how your partner makes you feel—just verbalizing the fact that they’re turning you on is a solid start. Or try asking them what they’d like you to do to them or describe what you’d like to do—or have them do to you. Even a little encouragement helps, for example, “I love it when you …” or “I can’t get enough of …” And if all else fails and you can’t bring yourself to say certain words, moans, heavy breathing and an enthusiastic “yes” can all do the trick.
There are plenty of lists out there with suggested phrases you can use during sex to up the dirty talk. But aside from the fact that you might get stage fright and struggle to remember them in the heat of the moment, if such phrases feel unnatural or forced, they’re likely not going to feel sexy. Instead, think of a way of saying it that makes you feel a little more, well, you. You can start off by trying a few slightly dirty things and then work your way up to your preferred amount of filth. Like anything worth doing, it usually takes a bit of practice.
It’s all about the delivery.
One of the secrets to great dirty talk isn’t just what you say, but how you say it. A surefire way to make anything sound sexier? Whisper it. Try to keep your voice low and the delivery slow (without, you know, sounding like you’re trying to impersonate someone) to build the anticipation.
Test the waters.
If you aren’t sure that your partner will be into dirty talk, try it once or twice casually during sex to see what their response is—you might be surprised.Read our guide to having great phone sex.