Ok, we’re all plenty familiar with the whole mattress-on-the-floor bit. But when it comes to assessing the viability of your next conquest, allow us to put forth a hot take: Good sheets are more essential than, well, a bedframe.
Disagree all you want—but at the very least, allow us to explain. We’re not here to imply that you need thousand-thread-count sheets for solid intercourse. But we are here to argue that attempting to enjoy a sensual experience on flannel sheets—or worse, a mattress sans sheets—is often far more difficult than boning on a mattress that just so happens to be floor-adjacent.
So, when it comes to your textiles—or sextiles, as we’re coining it—what does matter? What makes a sheet set particularly intercourse-worthy? And, on the contrary, what will certainly deem your bed a no-bone-zone? Here’s what you ought to know before your next Bed, Bath & Beyond venture.
Go for something durable
If you’re having sex of any kind you should be washing your sheets. A lot. This is a requisite courtesy to both you and your partner (plus, someone else’s stains are a turn-off). So, when you spring for a new sheet set, be sure you’re prioritizing one that’ll do well after many washes.
Please, no flannel
While you may enjoy the stuffy warmth that a bed lined with flannel provides mid-winter, the scratchy, pilly texture of most flannel sheets hardly feels comforting against a naked body. During intercourse, sheets like this will chafe and scratch—and likely, they’ll make it difficult to avoid overheating. So yeah, maybe just go sateen for now.
To be clear, you need not go capital-l Luxury when it comes to your bed linens. The actual, numerical thread count isn’t supremely important, here. Instead, keep in mind that any sheet that’s soft to the touch will likely do the trick. And if you’ve got a set of rough-hewn hemp sheets on your bed, or perhaps a pair from the 99-cent store, you’re more likely to give your date a rash than an orgasm.
Prioritize moisture-wicking, temperature controlling fabrics
Temperature is, indeed, central to most folks’ sexual experiences. So opting for bedclothes that help keep you cool—even whilst performing horizontal cardio—may do wonders for your sex life. Better yet, select something moisture-wicking. That way, if you and your partner drift off into post-coital slumber, you won’t continue rolling over onto scattered wet spots.
Choose your prints wisely
Nothing against maximalism in the linen department, but if you are opting for a patterned sheet, we urge you to choose wisely. For instance, the rocket ship sheets from your childhood bunk bed may be off-putting to your adult lovers. It’s not just about juvenility though—consider the fact that excessively printed sheets might be distracting during intercourse, which could pull you and your partner out of the moment.