How to feel yourself, even when you’re not coupled up.
You’ve probably read, time and time again, on covers of magazines, advertisements, and more: It’s important to spice up your sex life. Of course, anytime this advice is doled out, it takes on a particular, specific form. Usually, the tips that are given have something to do with changing your routine with your partner, trying out a new position, maybe opting for a little role play, or otherwise, getting your S.O. on board with a change of pace. And while these things are all good and fun, they miss out on an important point. The most important sexual relationship you have is the one with yourself.
If you are coupled up, keeping an active sex life can be vastly beneficial for your relationship and your sexual wellness, but it’s just as critical to finding ways to reinvigorate your intimacy with yourself. After all, some studies have shown that masturbation is linked to more positive sexual experiences and greater sexual satisfaction, whether you’re with a partner or not. It’s not a substitute for sex, but rather, something that can make you more attuned with your own body, desires, and wants.
And sure, you can always reach for your go-to massager when you’re in the mood, but sometimes, it helps to switch things up—even with yourself. Here are a few ideas to reinvigorate your sex life, solo-style.
Check back into sex edAnd by that, we mean, learn all the things that sex ed definitely didn’t teach you. Learn more about what orgasms really entail, the science of sexual arousal, and bring things back to the basics by learning more about masturbation (which is, almost undoubtedly) a topic that was skipped in school. If you’re left with some questions about your own body, don’t underestimate what a few specific Google or YouTube searches can teach you—or, in some cases, a doctor or licensed sex therapist.
Upgrade your solo playIf you already have a few favorite devices—or you prefer to use your own hand (acoustic, if you will)—then make your solo session even better with the help of a good lubricant. Lube will make vibration, massage, and penetration feel way better, basically amplifying all those good feelings. Just be sure to use a lube that’s compatible with the device of choice (no silicone lube with silicone vibrators or devices—you don’t want them to wear out).
Try an audio experienceEven if you think you’re not a fan of dirty talk (after all, your past partners may, unfortunately, not have been very gifted at it), you can give it another go. You can think of Dipsea as your new favorite podcast that happens to be rated NC-17, or you can listen to an audiobook whose cover you may not want prying eyes to see.
Write fanfictionThe annals of so many sexual awakenings can be found on FanFiction.net (lest we forget that one very famous BDSM-themed book series started as fanfiction of another vampire-based title). While you don’t have to publish your desires, you can take the spirit of fan fiction with you into a journaling session, writing out your deepest fantasies. No one ever has to read what you write—so what is it that you really want? You’re welcome to (safely!) burn the evidence when you’re done. Or, you can strategically leave it around for your partner to “accidentally” find. Think of it as a long-form sext.
Set the moodThink about all the things that you might do for a partner—putting on nice underwear, applying cologne, setting the perfect playlist—and do them to have a night to yourself. That means romancing yourself with a nice dinner, maybe having a nice drink, and eventually laying yourself down on clean sheets with some candles lit and a good playlist queued up. Sure, it might be corny, but no one’s there to see you do it.