why sexual freedom is killing desire. | maude - sex made simple.

why sexual freedom is killing desire.

credit: Photo by Robert Nelson

Though we still have a long way to go, modern society has evolved to be more sex-positive than ever. Not only are people more aware of the nuances of gender, but also of the fact that our sexual proclivities can be wonderfully wild.

But in a recent article on Quartz, philosopher Jeanne Proust argued that the sexual freedom we’ve come to enjoy might actually be killing our desire.

Why? Because she believes that taboos are essential to building desire—in other words, the more we can’t have something, the more we want it.

Since sexual attraction can sometimes feel illicit, it heightens the desire we feel. But if we take away that anticipation and longing, the whole thrill of sex can dissipate.

Basically, Proust says, if we are so open in our conversations about sex that it becomes as mundane as talking about a pair of socks, we'll be killing the two essential ingredients: secrecy and intimacy.

The answer? Honor the slow burn, savor the stages of flirting and coyness, and—most importantly—always maintain a bit of mystery.

Read the article here.
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