Doms, Subs, and Sub-Reddits.
Reddit is the internet’s very own self-determinate rabbit hole. No matter your motivation for entering the Reddit-sphere, it’s all but guaranteed that you won’t soon find your way out. Every search query leads to a sub-Reddit which leads to another sub-Reddit, which leads to—you guessed it—another sub-Reddit. And if you’re susceptible to losing yourself in the abyss of a good content thread, well, best of luck to you.
That said, for all its versatility, Reddit can be a particularly unique forum when it comes to sex. Not only does the site provide frank platforms for broad Q&As about sexuality, but it also provides a safe space for small-scale kink communities to chat without fear of judgment, or for couples (and individuals) to explore new avenues of pleasure. Of course, there are, indeed drawbacks. Reddit is user-driven and thus misinformation can circulate with ease. But at the same time, much of the site’s sex-forward discourse feels less concerned with disseminating factual information and more concerned with sharing personal stories and perspectives.
Under the umbrella of NSFW thread, /R/Sex, you can follow any number of breadcrumb trails. And perhaps most popular among them is none other than Reddit porn—which is exactly what it sounds like. You can think of it as free, user-generated DIY porn, published by way of a thread. Folks respond in kink threads calling out popular pornography search terms, and responses from across the country are rife with Literotica blossom from there. And while yes, there’s an 18 and up age limit in place on all NSFW content, the site is not exactly stringent about applying that particular rule (in response to “are you over 19 years old?” you merely click yes or no).
While the pornographic undercurrents of Reddit span far and wide, tapping just about every kink under the sun, several wildly popular forums are more earnestly discussion-based in the realm of sexuality. Most popular among these threads is /R/AskRedditAfterDark, with 190K followers, in which users post questions about sex that they, well, wouldn’t feel comfortable asking during the day. Of the numerous sub-threads here, some of the largest include, “What’s your revenge on a cheating spouse?” and strangely enough, “Would you still jack off if when you came your semen was just one big sperm, and afterward you’d have to fight it?”
The next most popular, according to subscriber rankings, is /R/SexOver30 with 77.1K subscribers. Focused, unsurprisingly, on…sex for folks over 30, the thread includes sub-queries like “Erections: A guide for women” and “Long term effects of the pill?”
Following that, you’ll find /R/BDSM Community, /R/BDSMAdvice, and /R/Sex Toys, all of which act as landing pages for far more granular discussions amongst the communities they serve. With thousands of followers—and surely, thousands more readers who haven’t committed to hitting the follow button—these are spaces reserved for candid, discourse amongst folks who are both committed to answering questions and folks who are exploring new territory. You’ll find product reviews, questions about personal mishaps, or pleas for help from folks looking to, say, address BDSM with a partner for the first time. The idea is simple: When Google feels too broad and impersonal, you can instead turn to countless threads manned by real people engaged in the same kind of intimacy—or at least interested in the same kind of intimacy—as you are.
So, in service of those of you who are keen to avoid falling deep deep into a Reddit spiral, we’ve gone ahead and pulled some of our favorite bits of storied sex wisdom from the archives under the broad-strokes search query, “What should you know before having sex?”
Culled from some 10,000 responses, here’s what we’ve deemed needlepoint-on-a-pillow worthy:
“Porn is to actual sex what kung-fu movies are to actual fights.”
"Don’t be afraid to use lube. It's not unlikely that the person—who will be the receiving partner—may not produce enough lubricant on their own. This could be because of a lot of factors (like stress, for example). Invest some time in foreplay."
"It's OK to not know what you're doing. Talk to your partner; ask what feels good and what's not so good. Communicate."
“Don’t put sex on a pedestal. It’s not some sacred act reserved only for the making of offspring. Nerves are inevitable, but enjoy it."
“Nothing makes it worse than worrying it’s not going well.”
“Lack of erection (or lack of wetness) does NOT mean lack of arousal or interest. You can be horny as hell but genitals are random and don't always cooperate.”
“I think sex is just like doing anything else. When you want to be successful, you need to research, practice, and develop a comfort level with your own sexuality. Research different types of sex and activities, find out what interests you, and focus on how to give pleasure to the other person."
“Don’t be afraid to use lube. It's not unlikely that the person—who will be the receiving partner—may not produce enough lubricant on their own. This could be because of a lot of factors (like stress, for example). Invest some time in foreplay."
"Reaching orgasm shouldn’t be the only goal. Relax, explore each other, and have fun."