A topline look at the nation’s latest proposed sex mandate.
Months ago, the state of New York urged you to sleep with your roommates. The English government issued a so-called “sex ban.” The powers that be in the Netherlands — in perhaps the globe’s most serviceable mandate — recommended that Dutch citizens seek out “sex buddies” for an impending second bout of quarantine. And now, in the bizarre uncharted realm of government-issued sexual guidance, a new approach is sweeping the nation: Masked sex.
Now, you may be thinking: Hey, what good is the mask doing if someone else is literally inside of me? A reasonable question! But being that COVID-19 spreads primarily by way of respiratory droplets, attempting what New Girl coined as “no kiss sex” may be your ticket to safe intercourse, after all. While perhaps not the most traditionally romantic mode of boning out there, it remains that mouth-less sex is likely better than, well, no sex.
Of course, this is not a risk-free operation. Abstinence is indisputably safer — as is any form of solo play or Skype sex that’ll allow you your orgasm sans human contact. But in emergency scenarios (yes, long term forced abstinence can feel like an emergency), Harvard scientists have, in fact, determined that wearing masks (and thus, avoiding kissing) during intercourse significantly lowers your odds of spreading infection.
So, in addition to the mouth covering, there are a few ways you might consider further protecting yourself mid-shag. For starters, try a position like doggy style that allows you to maintain as much distance as possible between you and your partners’ faces (this will also help eradicate the temptation to throw off your mask and kiss said partner in a fit of passion). Avoid oral if possible, and if you must engage, be sure to use a condom or a dental dam. Be sure to use protection in the midst of your intercourse as well (scientists have found that, while the Coronavirus does show up in semen, it’s unlikely that it can be transmitted sexually. Either way, better safe than sorry). And, of course, if possible, go for tandem activities that avoid contact. Try side-by-side masturbation, use devices, or instruct one another on how best to touch yourselves.
Then, once everything is said and done (read: orgasm), be sure to shower promptly, wash your hands while singing some song by The Police with a particularly long chorus, and avoid touching your face before you’ve taken care of the aforementioned intensive hand washing.