ask maude: dwindling sex in relationships

03 31 19 — ask maude

My partner and I are having way less sex than when we started dating seven months ago. Is that normal?

— Wanting More, California


Dear Wanting,

Fear not: It’s completely normal for sex to become more intermittent as a relationship progresses.

Often it can just be a case of you both being really busy and feeling too tired or stressed to have sex regularly. Or perhaps your libido is being impacted by an outside source like a new medication you’re taking, too much alcohol consumption, or even too much screen time (yep, technology can be a serious mood killer).

Like anything new, the novelty can sometimes wear off once you get past the can't-keep-your-hands-off-each-other stage of the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t desire each other anymore—just that you need to put a little more effort into keeping the spark alive in your sex life.

If sex is especially important to you, then you need to let your partner know that and talk about how you can make it more of a priority in your relationship. This could be anything from scheduling time to do it, to trying new things and sharing your deepest fantasies with each other. One of the secrets to keeping desire in long-term relationships is adventure, so the more you can introduce variety into your sex life, the better. And, of course, the more you communicate with each other, the easier it will be to address any obstacles that are preventing you from getting it on regularly.


Your partner in pleasure,


maude.